Wholly His, In holey shoes...

"Then He said, “Do not draw near this place. Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground.”Exodus 3:5

Oh. Wow. I haven't written a post here in almost four months, and certainly not for lack of substance.
However, I must admit that in this silent period, much like the one which spanned the years between Malachi and Matthew, I have seen and heard a great deal about life, and lived and loved with a great many of the Lord's precious people, and I haven't desired to share those stories. Stories of change, growth, love, ache, of anguish, beauty, life, loss, of consequence, or of none, but all were important to me.

Life is in full and glorious swing, and 3L year is off to a beautiful start, but something happened to me two days ago, and I want to write it down, because it brought perspective to a situation where it was needed.
Two days ago Hannah, Stasi, and I went to convocation in the Comm building. New faculty, staff, and student leaders were anointed, and called forth to offer themselves to the calling of the Kingdom here in this place. Suited up, we stood along a wall, and I told Hannah I was nervous...a procession of walkers, and I always slow them up, always.

Then, it happened, the music, that song, with its line that always gets me... "Take my feet, and let them be, swift and beautiful for Thee." I chuckled. When it was our turn to move forward to be anointed, I prayed the entire time, I needed a familiar face to be the one to pray for me, as I already felt terribly obvious with my walk on display for a ton of people I didn't know. I just kept singing that line in my head. The lady at the end of the row spoke to Hannah and told her to take me up before our row went. She never spoke to me, and Hannah responded by action. "It's ok, Court, we're fine." Hannah knows my heart, she knew I was nervous, and she knows I hate crowds. I prayed we'd get the dean, or the president, I know and love both of them, and I was so shaken by NOTHING that I needed a prayer that meant something. It's funny how that happens, when someone who loves you prays for you, what you feel, and what you know when it's uttered.
We got one of the two, and the blessing he spoke over me made me tear up, but I was blessed by the fact that he began the blessing by referring to me as "my daughter Courtney" and then called me "A treasure to all who know and love her." Humbled would have been an understatement, but it also occurred to me that everything being said was exactly how the Lord feels of all of us.

At that moment it occurred to me that He doesn't care when I wear the holes in the toes of my shoes, and He isn't phased that my walk is different. He doesn't look at you differently because you're taller, shorter, more or less athletic, and He isn't ashamed or afraid to remind you that from the top of your head to the tip of your holey (or brand new ) shoes you are a treasure to Him. Let me stop here. In case I need to remind you, young woman of God who MADE IT THIS FAR IN LAW SCHOOL, we're talking about God, not any person, and not any grade, standard, or expectation. Do you realize His standards far exceed those?
Some of you just cringed, because some of you are thinking "She spent a whole year telling us to keep our eyes in the right place, and that grades don't define us, and now she's telling us God's standards are HIGHER than a professor's grade!?"

Yes, of course, because God's perspective is also higher. He sees you for who you are, the gem that He created. He's not looking at your grades, He's looking at where the glory goes. What's the purpose of your effort? What's the reason for your desires? Have you made whatever grade you made with excellence and hard work, and did you do it for Him alone? Fine. If not, well, God doesn't stop at 2.0, where you might think you failed, or 4.0 where you might feel you're fabulous, He stops at "Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant", and even then, when you hear those words, you've got forever left to go.
If you have holes in your shoes, or some sort of other little quirk or seeming imperfection that makes you nervous about being fully seen, remember that those things are part of your testimony, part of your walk, be it crooked, tall, steady, or steadied by a loving hand.

As Hannah and I walked together, someone else I  love was sitting a few rows in front of us. Having no idea of the thoughts in my head or the conflict in my heart about my shoes, which had been worn for the last time, and bore holes as I walked the aisle...this friendly, familiar, and welcome face, looked directly at me, smiled wide, and lifted a hand to wave, high enough that only I could see.  It wasn't something that intended to teach me anything, in fact, she probably thought nothing of it, but, as I removed those shoes, and photographed that hole, I was reminded of what some one told me in college. "If you didn't have so many people to love, and so many places to go, your shoes would never have holes." The prayer at the front, and the wave on the way back, were both gentle reminders to me that the Lord, and the people who love me and are loved by me, care far less about my feet, and far more about my heart.

This is what I  mean when I say God's standards are higher. He wants your all, not just 4.0 of it, and if 4.0 detracts from His face, then, well, find a new number, forgive me, but at the end of this, you'll get a piece of paper, and a couple extra letters after your name. No one, except you, and your comrades, will know anything about the times you cried over assignments, poured over app ad, wept over a grade, rejoiced over the same...but you will see the finished product and realize "This belongs to the Most High God', and He, no matter 4.0, or 2.0, will be pleased at the sacrifice you have offered.
If you get to the end of law school by the skin of your teeth, a little bruised, a little broken, face stained with tears, and holes in your shoes, just look closely, because He was watching you, He's right there watching you walk the walk, and He'll give you a smile and a wave...just to let you know He sees you walking. If, like me, you get to the end of the aisle and realize your holey shoes are done for, just take them off. Remember, on the holiest ground, Moses needed no shoes anyway.


Wholly/holey His, and yours,
C