Sophie's Choice

"For wisdom is better than rubies,
And all the things one may desire cannot be compared with her."

Proverbs 8:11 NKJV

Her name is Sophia Grace, we all call her Sophie.  She was born just over three years ago, in April 2009, and our stories are intertwined in a beautiful way. Her names mean "Wisdom" and "Grace" and a few days ago she lived up to both in my eyes, in a way that as a three year old, she probably wouldn't even understand.
Her mother's name is Sara. Sara and I went to college together, and enjoyed (still enjoy) an honest, fun, and incredible friendship. Sara and her husband married as teenagers, and years ago, while we were in college, I began to pray for Sara's children.
She graduated before I did, and moved to Indiana. While we were apart she endured a heartbreaking miscarriage, and then...months later in the Summer after I graduated college the news came to me, first, before anyone else in the world, in April, a baby was coming.

From that moment, before I knew who she was, Sophie was special to me. Sara and I remained in close contact, and I even take the blame for telling her that castor oil can trigger labor :).
I flew to Indiana for Sophie's first birthday, and just yesterday, I returned from California and seeing her just after her third.  Doctors tried to scare Sara a couple times, telling her things that were absolutely unsound about Sophie, and it made us closer...it made me love Sophie all the more.

On Sunday as I climbed into the car with Sophie at the airport, she began treating me like an old friend. We chatted like we hadn't been apart for a day of her life, and it quickly became apparent to all that the love I felt for her was both understood, and returned.
After a day or so of being with her it also occurred to me that Sophie hadn't asked one question to any of us about the way I walked, or why aunt Courtney held hands. It was interesting to me that a three year old wouldn't ask, so I asked Sara if she had previously explained such things to Sophie, and Sara told me she hadn't said a word.
The two of us smiled and enjoyed this, because it seemed to us that Sophie didn't care, she just loved me for who I am, and who I am to her has nothing to do with my walk.




A couple days ago, the four of us, Sara, her husband, Sophie, and me, were catering to the foodie passion Sara and I possess and exploring a new found restaurant in nearby Palo Alto.
I walked between Sara and Sophie, and she walked between her daddy and me.
As we walked down the sidewalk holding hands, Sophie began to jump.
Sara spoke directly to her and told her she could not jump holding Aunt Courtney's hand and she would either have to let go or stop jumping.
My heart broke audibly. I think I heard it.
In that moment I felt horrible for that sweet little girl, and just as horrible that I could not jump with her. I had to swallow tears, and I fully expected Sophie remove her little hand from mine so she could jump, but she shocked me.


"Mommy, I NEED to hold her hand!" was her earnest response. Sara again told her that she
had to stop jumping if she wanted to hold my hand. "Okay, I won't jump." was her resolute response. Internally it took me a second to realize what was happening...i thought I was dreaming, but it was no dream, it was true, she didn't need to jump, she'd rather hold my hand. Her little fingers shifted in my own and her grip tightened as though she wanted me to know she'd made her choice, and sure enough, she stopped jumping.


In her choice, Sophie indicated understanding, and yes, wisdom deeper than people ten times her age. Her innocence would prevent her from understanding just what she taught me in that moment, but perhaps I'll tell her when she's thirteen and needs to be reminded of what's most important, people. People are most important, and they are the only investment we'll take with us, no matter where we go, or how far we climb, people are the only eternal evidence that our lives made a difference. So many people in my generation simply want to get from A to B without spelling any words, or making any friends in between. In a decade of mentoring girls I've done my best to make that my anthem, and my active vow: PEOPLE ARE ETERNAL... INVEST. 


After all that, there I was, standing on a Palo Alto sidewalk being clutched by a tiny hand that reminded me of this truth in my own heart. The hand in mine said "It's OK Aunt Courtney, jumping is overrated, I'd rather have you, and I love you just as you are." Intermittently as we walked, Sophie would look at me and say "I love you!" I laughed, sincerely returned her love verbally, and walked hand in hand with her to the car.


As I reflected on this story I remembered the conversation I had with Sara a few years ago just after we found out she was pregnant with Sophie.
The name freak in me kicked into high gear and I typed names I liked that had good meanings. One of the names on the list was "Sophia" and I added " It means Wisdom, you could call her Sophie for short."
It stuck.
It suits her, for she is wise indeed.

Wisdom over Rubies,
Courtney