You did this for me?

"I don't have to cry anymore, I don't have to worry about what's in store, or walk that road exhausted and poor, I don't have to cry anymore. I don't have to know it all, I don't have to be so proud and stand so tall, or climb that mountain only to fall, I don't have to know it all. You did that for me, oh, You did that for me, You wore the chains so I could be free, You did that for me.
I don't have to be ashamed, hang my head and shoulder the blame, wonderin' if my life's been in vain, I don't have to be ashamed...You did that for me."
~Sara Groves

Unless I'm crazy, I'm sure all of us have experienced days where we ask questions like "Did that really just happen to me?" For me it's usually such a blatant expression of God's love that I can't even comprehend it. It's gentle, but it's overwhelming, and yes, on these days, I go from being a girl who keeps the cards in her hand to one who shows her cards via the tears in her eyes.
God help me on days like these, for I am overwhelmed by the reality of Himself. Today was a day where the Lord showed me His presence, a day where if I chose to have doubt, it would rapidly be absolved...

I woke up late and was discouraged at the loss of study time. I went to the cafeteria on our campus to see the guys who work there because they encourage me SO much, and one of them asked me for a legal definition, so I wanted to get it to him before he left. I got there 15 minutes before they were to close, and they fed me lunch, one of them came over and ate with me, and when he was done, another one did. Both of them have introduced me to their families, and their lives and the ups and downs therein have become important to me. I listened as one of them told me he wanted to get new tires on his car, and that I should never go to New England in the winter, and I left thinking that the favor of God had blessed me today...He wasn't finished.

I was sitting in the library, and I saw someone whose face made my heart leap. She's a fellow student, and had it not been for today, I don't think she would've ever known how much her heart had done for me, but there she was, and I told her.
She's a mom, a wife, and a student, and for some reason, she touches me, I can't tell you exactly why, but there she was, and we went out on the balcony to talk.
After that, I felt like a small child, curled up in a lap, with nothing to prove or lose, just grateful for the blessing of falling asleep in safety...there was something about sleeping in safety in the Psalm I read this morning...funny. She may never know just what kind of chord she struck, and perhaps our conversation isn't finished, but it moved me, and did so in a way I was not expecting.
Afterward, I was overwhelmed with the concept of fragrant living, the idea of being His, and smelling like Him. I know that sounds strange, but I've always said I wanted to raise babies that smell like Jesus. Yes, I want them to look like Him too, but smells linger, even when you cannot see a face. After this loving mother left my sight, her perfume reminded me that what we do follows us, our actions often leave indelible marks, and the way we present God's Kingdom could have an eternal effect on other people, whether we know it or not.


After that, I saw one of my law school brothers, and we talked, and then, my law school partner in fighting crime came and talked to me for almost an hour, after which I was whisked to an undisclosed location for a pre-birthday dinner with wonderful friends, and somehow I managed almost five hours of study in there. Really? I can't imagine a more striking realization that the Lord exists then for Him to cram so much of His love and redemption (of time and resources) for me into one daylight period. But, then I thought about it a little deeper, and I remembered something very profound.

On a day not unlike today, the Lord God placed all love, and all redemption in the hands of cruel and relentless tyrants. On that one day, love and redemption hung willingly on a tree of shame, a cross denying satan any more dominion, a cross breaking chains, dispelling bitter waters, building bridges, giving life...One day held all eternity. So, this evening, after being completely immersed in the love of God Himself, I feel quite like a little girl being rocked by a loving parent. I'm about to don my warm coat, button it, grab my keys and outlines, and go out into the brisk cold to study Contracts with a new understanding of a truth I've always known: Children of the Most High God will always know they belong to Him, no matter how He chooses to reveal that to them.
Today, I got that realization by understanding what it felt like to be a child in the midst of being an adult. Of course, I understood I am His child, but today I understood it in feeling, too.
Today left me saying "All of this, for me?" And of course, He was saying "It's always for you."
I hope all of you always know that.
James 1:17
He did it all for you,
Courtney