Empty Handed

"Here I am, humbled by Your majesty, covered by Your grace so free. Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man, covered by the blood of the lamb. Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine, since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice.
Majesty! Majesty! Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed, but alive in Your hands.
Here I stand, knowing that I'm Your design, sanctified by glory and fire. ...Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed, but alive in Your hands."

"Wherever you are, be all there." ~Jim Elliot, martyred missionary

"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all, but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that, I still possess." *Quoted originally by Martin Luther, and later, by Corrie Ten Boom*


Here I am...
When I say those words I think of a young Samuel in the temple as he realizes it is God, not Eli, who calls him. His actual response is "speak Lord, for your servant hears." Isaiah touches on "Here I am"
"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" and I said "Here I am! Send me!" Isaiah 6:8.
Those three words are difficult words sometimes. Especially for me. Don't get me wrong, I love people, truly I do, but I am not fibbing when I say that if given the choice I would do everything with pen and paper, and I would not even have a computer on which to blog. I have my phone on silent consistently because some mornings, I wake up to 10 text messages, some of which are immediate, and some of which are "HI HOW ARE YOU?" Or "I hope your day is great!!!" What joy to have people like that, and what joy to hear there voices and connect with them, I wouldn't give that up. BUT, it's as though our generation expects people to be seven places at once. I go to lunch with teenagers who might as well have super glue in their palms while they snapchat and instagram themselves that's right, I said THEMSELVES...and I sigh. I have snapped my fingers at a couple of them and said "Hey, I'm over here." To say "here I am" is to be willing to be found, and willing to be used in whatever capacity asked, which means, sometimes, we have to really go beyond ourselves and be here, wherever here happens to be. Being "here" and all here means to submit our hearts to His heart, KNOWING that He cherishes our every beat.

Empty handed, but alive in Your hands...
About a month ago, someone I love very much recounted a trip she had taken to the other side of the world. It was a trip that required her, and the people with her, to raise support for the time they were there. She told me of the hardships and the pressures, and the fact that after considerable time in the beautiful country she had poured her heart into, not one person came to Christ. We talked about seeds and fruit, and how the Lord is always the one to make them grow, but still, it was a struggle for her not to feel as though her efforts left her empty handed. 

Last week I sat on my couch engaging in a FaceTime call with someone else I love very much who works for a non-profit, and in a field where people are mean and attacking. What they attack is her faith, but what it feels like is a personal attack on her. I'm her "lights and sound technician" so to speak. I help her with brainstorming and edits on the articles she needs to verbally process. Sometimes, we remind each other what scripture says about us, as we go about doing our part to reclaim our nation by making an effort to restore her to her roots. Sometimes I get phone calls from my beloved sister friend in tears because she doesn't know how to address an attack, she feels as though her toil as left her broken hearted and empty handed.

Earlier this week I got a very kind email from the counseling center at a local campus explaining that they had chosen someone else for the internship I was seeking. When I walked into that interview I expressed myself honestly, and I pray, with grace and some amount of poise, though I have no idea about the last two. When I walked out, I didn't regret a single thing, and I knew that it was, indeed, in the Lord's hands. I felt a heaviness on the campus, which I prayed and wrestled through, and when they sent me that email, I couldn't help but feel as though I had , once again, come up empty handed.

Then it hit me...

That's exactly what I want.

That's exactly what I want, for myself, for the two other young women aforementioned, and for everyone I love. See, we only know the things we see before us. We have a minute slice of the full image. Being a detailed person, if the detail I can see doesn't seem to be yielding a desired result, it can be hard to realize there's more to the picture, there's more I can't see. He is responsible for those souls on the other side of the the world, and those hearts who seem to thrive on contention. He is responsible for the internships and the open doors, indeed, sometimes, the closed ones. Filling our hands with things, rewards, accomplishments, anything... can get in the the way of being willing to do whatever. I have decided, the only thing I want filling my hands at any time is someone else's hand, and perhaps I love the friends I do because I enjoy the fact that we can join our empty hands and let Him fill our hearts...together.


Heart full, hands empty,
C