For Evie, Em, and Nette
The song quoted above brings back so many memories in my mind, but just as much as it applies to my past, it also applies to an even more relevant moment: This one. When I was probably 10 years old, I was sitting in a beautiful park eating ice cream from the ice cream man about this time of year, and a man with a guitar began playing that song. As a child with an ear for music, I knew what song it was in about three notes, and I remember how it literally took me out of the park. I've always been quite the dreamer, and it hasn't changed much in the one and a half decades since then. Today in the office I was thinking about all of the things I have seen, heard, felt, and experienced in 24 years of life. Upon reflecting on the life I've lived thus far, I smiled.
This life I call mine has never been an easy one. From the beginning of everything, my life has been a fight for everything in it, but because of that, I know one thing for sure. The God who created my life and loved me enough to give His is an altogether GOOD God.
So, tonight as I am surrounded by things which could make me anxious, I remember that 1o year old in the park. I remember that one of the first profitable things I ever learned how to do was harmonize, both musically, and with people. I learned quickly how to pick up the differences in notes, and in people, and love them for what they were.
In high school we did student voted trophies for awards night, and one of the nights I won't forget is the night I got the "Spirit of Peace" and the "Spirit of Faith" awards. Later, I asked my grandfather why he believed of all the trait awards, I was given those two, and he answered without hesitation "You can't have one without the other."
It occurred to me today that if one is going to have faith, then one should have peace. My boss reviewed something I'd written today and informed me he was filing it "sans editing", when I asked if he was serious, he told me I needed to have more confidence in my abilities. Peace.
The song also reminds me of one year on mardi gras when I went to a gathering a church and heard this song (of all things) in the gathering hall with my bosom friend Eva sitting next to me, laughing . I guess it sums up my life to an extent. I believe in a God who knows all things, and I believe He is good and gracious. If I believe those things, then I must also believe that no matter what, He won't let me down. Knowledge of His constant presence doesn't mean that I know things will be easy all the time, He never promised such things.
All such knowledge affords us is a knowledge of His character, not necessarily an understanding of our circumstances. Paul writes about a peace that passes all understanding, which means that even if we tried to insert it into our finite sphere, it would not fit. This peace He offers is a peace that defies any definition, and as such, we can rest in the fact that, when we lack understanding, we do not ever have to lack peace.
It's like a friend who, though different from you, shows you things you never would've found on your own. A friend, ever present, loyal, and willing to love you in spite of your imperfections, though they cannot be understood. No matter the heartache or whatever I've experienced so far in this life, I can say without reservation that the wonder I have experienced has been exponentially greater, and the wonder I WILL experience is greater still.
So now, here I am, sitting against the wall, listening to the Eagles, and remembering that God, in all of His Sovereignty, will never let us down.
When we are broken, He offers healing, when we are sad, He offers laughter, and when we feel orphaned and alone, He brings us family beyond our ability to define the word.
Here I am, and so what if:
- I've never been on a real date
- I feel like all the good guys have been taken
- I walk a little funny
- I might just possibly, maybe, minutely love one of the few good guys left, but I'll never tell you (or him) who, and no, you don't have any idea :)
- Things are heartbreaking sometimes
Peace transcends all of our questions, and every speck of doubt, or desire for understanding.
Truth be told, it doesn't matter what we know, don't know, understand or don't, all we need to know is that no matter what, He will not...WILL NOT let us down.
No matter where you are, who you are, and how you feel right now, I pray you know this is true.
I hope you have a peaceful easy feelin', and you know He won't let you down, and He'll keep you steady, on the ground.
My many thanks to the many gifts He as offered me to remind me of His constant presence, from before the day in the park, to the man with his guitar, to right now, against the wall by lamplight...to all who have been proof that God Almighty never lets His children down, and to God Almighty Himself, the one and only giver of the Peaceful, Easy Feelin'.
Ephesians 6.
Stand firm on your ground,
Courtney
1 comment:
you. are. beautiful. ♥
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