Against the Vow

Credit for this post goes to my dear friend Bonnie for the inspiration of a single moment...

"Scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far. Don't it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?" "Name" The Goo Goo Dolls

Bonnie has been my friend for several years. It's not the kind of friendship where we've had coffee together each week for a decade, or even kept up as well as I would have liked, or should have, but I love Bonnie, and this is the kind of friend she has been to me: She's someone I'm proud of...someone I enjoy, and someone who makes me a better version of myself, because I like myself better for who she sees in me. Bonnie is good at seeing people the way Jesus sees them. After a few years of not seeing her, I saw Bonnie, and Jesus in her, twice today.


In our conversation she said something that will stick with me forever. She was talking about marriage and she said "You know, we make these vows but someone told me once that we don't really know what they mean until we're up against them." What she meant was this: Often times we make promises we don't have the slightest idea how to keep. I'm not married, but let it be said this moment that Bonnie's words will, without exaggeration, change my marriage, and the heart I have as a prepare for that. Women are wired to wonder. They are wired to desire the dreams they possess, and they are wired to hope for them, sometimes to their detriment. I know this because, well, I'm one of them.
Women are, on the whole, romantic, and the promises flowing from those lips painted some shade of plum, mauve, or ravishing red, those promises, often, might as well be spoken in a little known dead language, backward, and upside down. Very few overall actually know what they mean. For some, by God's grace, the promise isn't tested. People don't have to come to terms with "or poorer" because enough is always enough...and  because enough seems to be enough nobody goes higher, or deeper, or yearns for understanding beyond what's there... The promise is there, but it isn't pulled to the limits, the vow isn't straining for relief, yelling, screaming for respite, begging for a break, and yet, striving to prevent one. Indeed, as Bonnie pointed out to me, the richest of vows is the one which is begging to be broken as the rawest and most brutal circumstances beat against it. The richest of vows is the one that, yearning for a break, refuses, at all costs, to be broken.
It occurred to me after this that marriage is and ever has been a picture of how Jesus loved us. Take a walk with me. See the sights of a beautiful crowd, pretty clothes, delicious food, dusty, spicy smells...are you there yet? Alright, now, look up. Before you is a hill. It's shaped much like I human skull, and upon it, three men are about to die. Can you see them? The two on the sides are thieves, condemned to die for their crimes, but the one in the middle, who is He? His name is Jesus, and they taunt Him, they say, "If you are a King, save yourself." He is King, and because of this, He does not bow to this demand. On a cross, the King of the Universe died for a little girl like me, but He did not have to. In theory, Jesus could have come right down, taken a bow, and with a flourish, left that hill, and yet... He didn't, and to this day my life, and my eternity, are better for it.
Marriage is supposed to be a picture of His love, and the divorce rate in our nation shows more flourishing bows and rapid retreats than I would care to admit. It hit me tonight just how much marriage is like the cross of Christ, not because it's brutal, shame filled, and inhumane, but because it was intended to withstand taunting...and to hold fast when tested...it was intended to be a vow that, when kicked against, stepped upon, and threatened with an insurmountable weight, could, and would, refuse to be broken...

Keep your promises,
Courtney