Last night I had a dream, in the dream I saw every person who has ever dealt me a devastating blow, or left me as if I didn't exist. They all acknowledged my existence, some happily, and some without a word, but then, they were gone. At the end of that scene I saw myself on a doorstep in the rain. Someone I love very much came out from behind the door and said very matter of factly "You know better than to stand in the rain when it's so much warmer inside." With that, this loved one physically lifted my person from outside in the rain, to inside the door. We entered the warm house, which really didn't look like anything specific, and I don't remember details, but I know that it was a place where love, joy, laughter, and so many people, from everywhere, who have loved me, were seated together.
Such is life for so many of our days, we allow the harms done to us to prevent us from being fully loved, perhaps for fear of being fully unloved. So harmed are we by what has been done to us before that we condition ourselves to believe we're made from the crust, the excess, the pieces nobody wants, and despite being loved beyond reason (in heaven, and on earth) we stand outside on a doorstep drenched, when all manner of good things have been offered to us.
What an insult to the good thing, whatever it is, when we don't fully realize it's freely given. Last night, dear reader, for perhaps the first time in my walk with God, I truly felt/saw/tasted a tiny bit of what Jesus must have endured when He was despised and rejected by the people He so loved. Everything freely given, and yet...we believe we are unworthy to turn that knob, to insert that key, and we stand out in the rain.
It's no secret that I'm guilty of this, but after last night, I was compelled to repent.
Truly. I've walked through a season of not apologizing for my life, and I do that less and less, but in an earth shattering way I was convicted about how often I don't take what's been given...from God, or from His people. It doesn't make sense to stand in the rain, does it? But we've all done it, and God is a God who knows every heart. He knew that my heart would be touched by the analogy of the door, and He knew that the person who picked me up and set me inside the room was a good one to say those words to me.
Jesus IS the door, His word says so, and He wants us to meet Him, and to come in to what He has for us, every bit of it.
I don't know about you, but I can say with 100% honesty and sincerity that I am done standing on the other side of the door in torrential rain. *figuratively, of course*
It's ok to believe He knows our hearts, and also necessary to understand fully that there is one who desires to destroy the hearts He knows.
Satan is a liar. He's a liar. Know him for what he is, and knock with all abandon on the door to the throne room, I promise you, it's already open.
Come out of the rain,
Courtney
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