The Old Bible

For one of the letters in my alphabet...or all of them...

I've been thinking a lot today. What else is new, right?
In college when I mentored, sometimes I encouraged my girls to make lists, and recently, I did it again. One of my girls was struggling with something, and I encouraged her to make a "What makes me me" list. She shared her list with me, as she rested her beautiful 19 year old head on my shoulder and clicked the mouse, I read the list to myself.
It included things like "I am an introvert", "I hate roller coasters" and, "I have no desire to travel outside of the United States." I turned my head in the direction of the head resting on my shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "No desire to travel, huh, lovebug, you wouldn't even go to Europe?" I said, moving her hair from her face. I waited, knowing her response would be a cautious one. "Well, maybe I'd go once." She said finally. As I sat there on my couch, just as I am doing now, with that precious head rested on my shoulder, as it is often, I thought long and hard about loving people. I kept reading her list, and soon, I came to an entry that made me gasp...she said "I think too much, and speak too little, about what really matters." When I got to that point, she buried her head in my shoulder, and I put my hands on her face and said "SPEAK UP!"

So beautiful she is, and two minutes later she was crying on the same shoulder as her head rested. She cried that a boy had broken her heart, and she's struggling to rise above it.
My homework was finished, though I did have to read one assignment three (yes, three) times, and as she wept, I held her close. There I was, in my cozy apartment, and I found myself surrounded by so many things that mattered. A precious 19 year old with a cautious spirit, heavy textbooks, plans on my computer for a bridal shower for one of the most precious girls in my life, and most importantly, the Maker of the Universe guiding my way.
Sometimes, I feel wholly inadequate to be so near so many things that really matter that much, but then, I remember my favorite old Bible.


My favorite old Bible is two shade of brown leather, and on the inside it reads "12/9/06 20th birthday present to myself." It's nothing glitzy, it's very normal, but I found it beautiful, and I bought it.
Just a run of the mill ESV Bible, but, there's something that makes it quite precious to me.
Every January of undergrad, I fasted for a week. A couple of years I just did a partial fast, I think, but the January of my senior year, it was different.
In January of 2008 I began a five day full fast, for either the second or third time of undergrad. I drank only water, and 100% juice in fun flavors. Praying from sun to sun, I always experienced such wonder in these weeks, and have stories of how it changed me forever. One day I packed my juice bottles in my backpack, and headed across campus for class. The Bible rested squarely beneath a bottle of Welch's grape juice, and, you guessed it, the cap came undone. The poor Bible soaked up the brunt of the flood, and the gilded pages found themselves dull, and wilted in some places, purple in others.
I chuckled, perhaps slightly sad at the events, and more than slightly frustrated for not screwing the lid on tighter...But...
I love that Bible.
I love it because it reminds me of my life. On the days when I feel inadequate to have these undergrads, especially the cautious ones, expose their secrets on my couch, or when I feel untouchable because I was the girl whose parents didn't care, or when I feel like He might've chosen another to fight so hard for the orphans He loves more than I ever could, on days when I feel inadequate to be so close to so much that REALLY matters, I just look at that old juice covered Bible, and I remember, God doesn't care about the spills on our pages, He knows what they say, He wrote them. He, above anything else, cares about using us, and reminding us that He doesn't use what is perfect or strong, but the spilled upon, the wilted, the weak...He wrote our names on His very back in stripes...so I don't think He minds that His word has a little grape juice on it, or that my life, and yours, has some wrinkles and breaks....No, He doesn't care...because that's not what really matters, and often times, those of us who feel most inadequate are the ones He so frequently uses to interact with the things that really do matter after all.

I Corinthians 1:27

Weak and Willing=Well Used :)

Courtney