Learning the Alphabet

In normal life we hardly realize how much more we receive than we give; life can be rich only with such realization. ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer


*Sigh*.... *Silence*.
Here I am.
Two exams down, and three still to be conquered by His grace, and then next Monday I board a plane to Dallas which will turn into a plane to Comalpa International in San Salvador, El Salvador.
From Comalpa I'll proceed to the Salvadorian state of La Libertad (Freedom), and back into that world they call "the third", that world that falls so far behind the count of 1, 2, 3...so far I would never be able to find it so quickly. 1, 2, 3...the third world.
One of my girls in Salvador is getting married, and there I'll be. My touchdown on the tarmac at Comalpa will be the third for me, and will represent the sixth country I'll sleep in since October 11th. That's right, six countries, in just about 60 days.
What a life! Eight states, Seven domestic airports, six nations, five exams, four...well hmm...I don't have something for four :).

Here I am.

Sometimes being "here where you are" is all that matters. One can travel so many places, or maybe never even know where home is, and still know the importance of "here where they are." Intention. Do you have some?

I have a rule for myself. If you're investing in someone, turn your phone off. A couple of weeks ago, I did that, and um...I missed a class...know what? I laughed.
Here where we are.
Law school is so strange.
SO strange.
Most days I think most of us are freaking out not because we want to be good lawyers, but because we just WANT...whatever it is we think good grades will get.
Today I was getting ready for my Crim Law final, and my brain was on overload. I texted my Alphabet Soup loves and told them "He said you would walk through the fire and not be burned, hold fast to this, even when you're nervous."
I wasn't nervous. I'm not nervous before exams. After, maybe, but not before.
But, today, something was...odd... after texting the girls, I picked up my things and moved through my apartment, and without thinking about it, I spoke the words "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." Well, in King James English that means "God is going to provide everything I need." I laughed out loud. I did. One of those where I overflowed with such truth and peace that I unashamedly chuckled, and then, I said it again.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

Well then, that was easy.
Well...then...easy?
Of course not! What we need is never perfection. We weren't created even to know how to simulate such an equation. We don't have those skills. :). What we need is often different based on the circumstances we find ourselves walking daily. But, in any case, we shall not want.

Over the last few days I've been thinking about Rebekah. Ever heard of her?
She's heroic.
Yes, Rebekah, and yes, I said heroic, and no, I didn't just lose it in my Crim Law exam.
Rebekah, wife of Isaac, mother of Jacob and Esau.
Heroic? Well, yeah, I mean, what would YOU do if some strange guy you'd never met came into your territory while you were drawing water for your daddy's animals and basically determined he was going to take you back to become the wife of his master's son? Ok, that sounds a bit scarier than maybe it was, she probably knew of the servant who spoke to her, and the two families had ties, but, seriously? One day she's watering the camels, and then whoaaaa, next day I'm...waving goodbye to the camels, and everything else...

But, what does she say when she hears the story, when she learns the truth? When she realizes what's about to happen through her...when her mind stops whirring and spinning, when her heart has returned to its rightful place...she utters four of the most powerful words any woman in the Bible ever said (in my opinion, of course). She says "Yes, I will go." And go she does.

Rebekah means "Bound", it comes from a Hebrew word "Rivqah" and the meaning of the name used to scare me. But, after thinking about her, she didn't scare me, in fact, I loved her, and still do. She went. She just went. She was tied tightly to the cause, and to that end, she went.

I wonder if she said something like I did this morning... "The Lord is my shepherd..."

I wonder if she wondered. I wonder if she suspected inadequacy within herself. I wonder if she prayed "Why me? I'm sure there are stronger, better, more beautiful girls, but to YOU, to YOU, I am bound."

The prayer of Rebekah, or at least the one I imagine her praying, is a prayer I have often uttered myself. "Am I really cut out for this? So many are bigger, more physically capable, this, that and every other thing, but to YOU, I am bound."
So here I am.
And, to Him, I am bound.

When I wonder, when I pray those Rebekah-ish prayers, I think of the 1L girls I've affectionately dubbed "Alphabet Soup."
I love those young women.
Everyone of them is absolutely exquisite.
I think often about how I'm not the best law student, but I love Him, and them, and when I think about that, when I think about how it encourages them to be loved, I am reminded, it's not about perfection here, and for me it never has been.
This place is about intention. It's about people saying "Yes, I will go, and To YOU, I am bound."
It occurred to me this morning that it's not about being perfect at everything or, um, anything...it's about being willing to do the best that you can, with the things that you have, for the fame of His name.
This is a lesson for me. A lesson being spelled out, clearly, in a group of lovely young women, a bowl of alphabet soup. They remind me. They remind me that I cannot climb trees, they remind me that I cannot do cartwheels, and they remind me that none of that matters one bit. They remind me what it looks like to be willing. What it looks like to walk into a Property class to willing to encourage, and find yourself encouraged in knowing God will use your willingness. I cannot climb trees, I plant seeds instead. I cannot do cartwheels, but the Hot Tamale HAS 3 wheels :). I'm learning something from a new perspective with those girls...As I'm learning the alphabet, I'm learning His face, His image, in a way that without them, I'd never know. His image is SO vast, but each one of them, each one, has a piece of it which is all her own.
In one, I see a fervent peace, in another, steadfast determination, still another, a zest for life, another, a sheltering, somewhat mysterious spirit, in another, tenderness, another, hope, and another, quite and exquisite joy. I'm learning the alphabet. Learning to spell. Learning to taste.
The Bible says "Taste and see that the Lord is good." Good, He is...and I love Him.
I love that He reminds a little girl on a little red scooter to be willing to pour herself out for His sake, because willingness is completely adequate. I love that the God of all creation chooses to be so gracious that He has chosen to remind me how to spell, and how to taste, by giving me a spoonful of Alphabet Soup.

Taste and see,
Courtney