Brutal, but Beautiful

"The law is reason, free from passion." ~Aristotle

Ehem...*false*. Sorry sir stotle, but, I beg to differ and dispute. Free from passion? Negative, the law is one of the things that taught me the MEANING OF PASSION.
Cue the music.
Jackson Browne "Stay" plays in the background as I type. The most appropriate song I could think of during this brief period of articulation.
Today was a day of all days. This week was a week of all weeks. In this week, and this day, some of the people I love most in the world finished their careers as law students. I celebrated my own milestone as I took my last exam as a 1L, the tiny two character term used to describe the low men on the totem pole, the new fish in the sea. I took my last exam as the new kid. However, today was unlike any ending to a school year I've ever experienced.

This year could be described in three very succinct and straightforward words: Brutal, but beautiful.
Days of eating on the run, class after class, for me, four in one day, three days a week.
Days of dense legal reading full of cold, distant, rules used to fuel the fire of justice from East Coast to West Coast. Days of 6 hours in class, and more in the books, less in the bed sleeping. Days of sun going up, sun going down, and being awake to see both, not even because you procrastinated, but because that's just how grueling it is.
Days of wondering "Will I be back next semester?" and Days of knowing that if GOD called one to something, He won't abandon in the midst of the call.
So, here I am, after a massage, which was amazing, a dinner with two of my best friends in law school, a shopping trip to buy a baby shower gift, and a shower of my own to wash the grit and exhaustion out of my hair. The long chestnut waves that today were tied back in a ponytail atop a dress now sit tucked up in a wet knot atop an old t-shirt from under grad which has been washed hundreds of times and feels wonderful because of it. Tomorrow, I have NOTHING school related to do. I'm not obligated to attend a class, watch a lecture, crack a book. Nope. Nada. After going 90 to nothing for a year, that's an interesting thought...nothing to do? seriously?
Well, I have to spend time with 3L's who are leaving, and , I have to pack up my apartment, but, I have several weeks to do that one, and though I'll start tomorrow, I don't have to rush. Law school has a lot of rush in it and a lot of 3L's leaving. Brutal.
I'm listing to this Jackson Browne hit and thinking of all of the jokes told, all of the laughs had, all of the songs coined to help us remember the intentional torts and the elements of negligence (most often Christmas carols) . The run run run, go go go, incomparable camaraderie that is law school, especially the first year of it. Beautiful.
At that reminder I can't help but sing along "Oh, won't you stay, just a little bit longer?" Brutal as it was, I might miss 1L year a bit :).

My school is different. At my school, Jesus is central, and Jesus is glorified. As a result, there is no tearing out pages in a book so no one else can find the answers. No.
Here, we love each other, and want to see the next person succeed. That is my law school experience. Today as the last exam was finished, I saw something I've never seen before. As we finished, a group, a large one, congregated in our school's law building lobby munching on cookies and cupcakes and chatting about a mutual understanding of the brutality which we'd all just finished. A passive observer would've seen hands coming together in high fives, people coming together in embraces, exclamations of "Woohoo!" "Congratulations!" "We're DONE!" and "We DID IT!" resounded everywhere. I took a breath. "Wow", I thought, "we really DID that!" Despite the brutal nature of the year, and the way we sometimes wondered if we'd make it, we did. The finish line found us, even though we often didn't believe we'd have the strength to step across it. Step we have.

As hard as it was, and as much as I dealt with at once, part of me will miss the necessity for that camaraderie stronger than the super-est super glue you could find at our local Home Depot. I mean it, it's that strong. I find myself a bit nostalgic this night. I got an email from a prof whose class I was afraid of failing that in fact, I did not fail, and I got a higher grade than I'd expected. He didn't tell me what the grade was, but, he told me what it wasn't.

So now, here I am, with my hair tied back in a wet knot, exhausted, but in no rush to say goodnight, to a brutal, but beautiful year. Some of the most cherished people in my life will not walk these halls with me anymore, and while they will not leave me, I will miss seeing them every day.
I'm finding myself saying, like Jackson Browne, Oh, won't you stay, just a little bit longer? We wanna play, just a little bit longer.

Now, unto Him, who is able to give above and beyond all we could ever ask or think...

Take a little time, leave it all behind, sing one more song,
Courtney